The 💯 Series: Jealousy
The 💯Series is a compilation of raw & real testimonies that have happened in my life. At first I didn’t want to share them because of how sensitive the subject matter is to me. I believe that God is allowing me to share them now for His glory. Over the next 6 weeks I plan to release 3 testimonies which are near and dear to my heart. The First One titled ‘Jealousy’ is what I present to you today. Hopefully my testimony will help you and ultimately shine light on the God of restoration, love and forgiveness.
I could hear the snickers over the drive thru intercom as she placed her order but at that moment I still didn’t recognize her voice. When she drove around to the window we locked eyes for what seemed like an eternity and in that moment the heat of jealousy and rage overwhelmed me. I had a high dislike….better yet hate for this girl.
Beware of Jealousy;It’s rottenness to the bones
A calm and peaceful and tranquil heart is life and health to the body, But passion(jealousy) and envy are like rottenness to the bones. – Proverbs 14:30
The seed of jealousy (and her nasty cousin insecurity) had unknowingly been planted in my heart by the enemy early in life. I remember being jealous of my cousin when he came to visit my aunt (his Grandma) during the summer. I can vividly remember being jealous of kids at school. I was even jealous of people on TV.
I found myself despising what I had going for me in favor of what everyone else had. God gifted me to sing and write but I became jealous of anyone whom I felt was “better” than me or possessed a gift that I did not have.
Jealousy followed me into my marriage and almost stole it. In the beginning of it I was so pitifully insecure that I would go through my husband’s phone searching for evidence of his “assumed” unfaithfulness. There was never any found but it caused a lot of strain and mistrust in our relationship.
When my middle boys were younger I remember having a serious panic attack while at home all alone with them. I was tormenting myself with thoughts of my husband being unfaithful which spiraled into more negative thoughts of how out of shape I was, and how I was headed for divorce with no money or place to go. I had to call a friend just to calm myself down. I needed help! The rottenness in my bones had settled in.
I felt like a prisoner in my own mind. Rage & anger had brought their bags and along with jealousy they were all camping at my spot. But God!! I understand now that most of those thoughts were being spoken to me by the enemy and I had accepted them as my own. For as he thinketh in his heart,(mind) so is he… – Proverbs 23:7 KJV
Insecurity, jealousy, anger, and rage are all fruits of a fleshly mind Galatians 5:19-21 and the mind of the flesh is in direct opposition to God Romans 8:6-8. I was a Christian but I wasn’t pleasing God in my behavior plus I was terrorizing myself.
God has since revealed to me how much He loves me. His love was and still is the antidote to the jealousy that had formed within me. God’s love is what shields and protects me from the nasty, low, and degrading thoughts that I had accepted of myself. He loves me regardless of how I appear, act or feel. He loves me on my best & worst days. He loved me so much that He sent His one and only Son to die for me, and bring me back in right standing with Him. He’s also transforming me into His image.
When I meditate on these truths I am in awe of such a wonderful, loving God. I am loved by the Creator of the Universe and nothing can separate me from his love Romans 8:38-39. Why then should I be jealous of anyone else? Truth is; I shouldn’t! Jealousy only steals the power, gifts, and potential that he gave especially to me.
Since God has given me everything that I need to live a godly life 2 Peter 1:3 I am free from desiring what others have. I have EVERYTHING in Him 👍!
Today, I understand that it is all for and through Him that I have a voice and greater still, life abundantly! I am honored to be His willing vessel on the earth to help edify His Kingdom. Feel free to comment ,subscribe and share this post!